« How can you be so arrogant to believe Alexander could be only yours ? Are you so naive ? »
My father said as he went in the room back and forth.
« He is a prince, Hephaistion. And he will become a king one day. »
He stopped in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders.
« You will have to keep a cold head and put aside this stupid jealousy, if you want to last in the royal court. The King Philip has more than one wife or lover in his life. You have to accept that it will be the same for Alexander ; or it will be your doom. »
« But I love only him. Only him Father ! To a point that it hurts ! To a point that I can’t breathe ! » Hephaistion answered with tears in his eyes.
Amyntas took his teenage son in a tight hug to comfort him, brushing his hair like when he was a boy.
« I know my son. I know »…
The words of my father make a painful echo in my heart as I look at Alexander kissing Bagoas. Yes I look, hearing the acclamations of the crowd, the lazy of my companions. I raise my cup like the others but my heart bleeds and all of sudden, a forgotten image comes back to my memory…
I was nine years old. I was home. I was excited this night. My father had some important guests. The king came with some companions. And Dad had agreed that I pass a moment with his friends. They came to hunt. But tonight they will feast.
My nanny had some difficulties to comb me. I was so excited and impatient to see the King again.
« Be quiet Little Master. How could I comb you if you don’t stop to budge ? »
« But I want to go »
« Not before you are ready. Don’t you want to make proud your father ? »
With a sigh, I stayed quiet knowing I couldn’t win.
« Ok, Nanny ! » With a so desperate tone that made laugh this one. « But, please Nanny, hurry up ! »
« If you would stop to twist and turn, I should have already finished »
As soon as I was ready I leaved the room in running followed by some recommendations of care from Nanny.
Arrived at the andrôn, I stopped at the door. I could hear inside the men laughing and joking. I entered calmly in the room. The King was sat on a couch near him a man with black hair. He seems to be a little bit younger than my father. The King grabbed the young man behind the neck and brought him close to kiss him on the lips. I couldn’t help myself to blush. I looked at my father who observed the two men in silence. His smile erased slowly. My father turned his gaze away and I could see just for a tiny moment a painful light in his eyes…
I remember how my joy to see the King faded at this moment.
From time to time, this scene has come back to my memory. And often I wondered what my father had felt. But not anymore. Closing my eyes on the view of my King and his eunuch, I whisper like a painful prayer :
« I know Father. I know ».